The truth is...
BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM
ASSALAMUALAIKUM WBT
The truth is, I lied. I fake it. All the smiles and laughs, I didn't own it. I never own it. Ever since mak says I have to end whatever-relationship with MSM, everything is over. Everything. And all the meet up ideas, holidays and vacations, is just a waste of time and money. Leads nowhere but pointless ending. I know, there's no use for us texting each other every single day, talk like nothing happen, pretending we are all fine. Everything is just fine. But the truth is, we both hurt. So much.
You have no ideas, how hurt it's looking at your friend's status talking about husbands, kids, families, parents thing and stuff, gosh it hurts so much I mean it people, it is really hurt. Suffer. More than what my ex(es) ever done to me. People see I'm smiling. Laughing. Always. Someone ever said to me, 'I scroll gambar you dekat insta pun I dah rasa happy'. But believe me, my world is darker than that. All smiles that you see, is just a pieces of strength that I put on purpose so that people don't feel sorry to me. Or worry about me.
There's a thought, more to question actually. Why everything seems so easy in my life except love? It's easy for me to complete my degree, my masters degree, it's quite easy for me to get a job, still easy dealing with fussy boss even with all crappy crappy things ever happen in my life. But when it comes to love, why things always turn out to be disaster? Like a massive disaster? I never succeed on this one. Ever. Like, seriously what is wrong with me actually?
I know, I shouldn't question everything that Allah has decided. But I can't help it sometimes. I know that no matter how dark it is, I should be grateful that I still can see the tiny bit of light to hold on to. I'm sane enough to continue my everyday life as normal. InsyaAllah, mature enough to be a respectable lady. But still, I'm a human too. And the truth is, I'm not that strong.
Dear Allah, if he's not meant for me, please take him away from my heart.
You have no ideas, how hurt it's looking at your friend's status talking about husbands, kids, families, parents thing and stuff, gosh it hurts so much I mean it people, it is really hurt. Suffer. More than what my ex(es) ever done to me. People see I'm smiling. Laughing. Always. Someone ever said to me, 'I scroll gambar you dekat insta pun I dah rasa happy'. But believe me, my world is darker than that. All smiles that you see, is just a pieces of strength that I put on purpose so that people don't feel sorry to me. Or worry about me.
There's a thought, more to question actually. Why everything seems so easy in my life except love? It's easy for me to complete my degree, my masters degree, it's quite easy for me to get a job, still easy dealing with fussy boss even with all crappy crappy things ever happen in my life. But when it comes to love, why things always turn out to be disaster? Like a massive disaster? I never succeed on this one. Ever. Like, seriously what is wrong with me actually?
I know, I shouldn't question everything that Allah has decided. But I can't help it sometimes. I know that no matter how dark it is, I should be grateful that I still can see the tiny bit of light to hold on to. I'm sane enough to continue my everyday life as normal. InsyaAllah, mature enough to be a respectable lady. But still, I'm a human too. And the truth is, I'm not that strong.
Dear Allah, if he's not meant for me, please take him away from my heart.
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