Throwback April - My biggest (literally) support system.

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM

ASSALAMUALAIKUM WBT

I've been surrounded by a lot of support system. Even sometimes that support system is the one who brought you down the most. Like you don't actually know when your own mak will ever agree with your choice particularly things related to life partner. I did mention in previous entry about MSM and me. Not that I'm giving up, life is just cracking me so hard I can't even hang in there anymore.





Mak is right. Choosing your life partner is never enough with just love. Be real. Be human. We all got desires to fulfill. World is expensive  Life is expensive. Love is expensive too. Aaaahh, I should just skip this lovey-lovey things because that's not the point I'm writing here. Mak never bless our relationship with some kind of unreasonable answer. Too much drama probably. But on the other side, I do agree with her (because I said mak is right just now). Just the method is wrong. Oh crap, I'm mumbling again.

So back to my support system story, he're the girl. Besides Mazian (which I already mention in 9th May entry and soon will be a lot to mention), my only sister. Si gemok who never gets tired ruining my life in every way. 

We've been to Genting Highland last few weeks. For no particular reason. Running away from hectic life (kononnya), well, lets take it just because we want to spend a sister moment together. Since she knows every single crap happened to me recently, oh ya, because she's about to complete her degree as well. An early treat you may say.

Even sometimes you're so damn annoying, but I still love you Amy.

(like I have a choice to choose my own blood sister *sigh*)

Nope. I really mean it. I do love you. For always take a good care of me. Randomly ask me 'kau ok ke?', 'sabarlah, kau tahu mak macam mana, kan', updating me with every single things at home, cover me up, backing me up too, defending me so many times in front of mak, I guess I'm just a kakak by born. But you're kakak by action. Thank you so much. Tak tahu nak cakap apa lagi.

I know it's not much, but I really hope you're happy (with the treat) and learn a lot of things from me, and my story. Be strong sayang. Our story is not so much different. But I know, Allah will grant you and bless you with something far better than this. Far better than mine. I'm doing this for mak. She's the reason I live, she's the reason I'm here at where I am. Love is sacrifice anyway.

Things that matter most. Not even my love story.

It's not easy to live with a mask. As a transparent people like me, it's even harder. You're struggling so hard in front of your biggest support system, pretending your life isn't a mess. Faking a smile and laugh. Bleeding inside but act like you're the happiest person alive. It's not as easy as you can ever imagine.

Oh, our stay at Genting is just a night. The next day, back to work as normal, hectic season is coming so chin up, life must goes on.

Only if I can reveal each and every detail about my story so that you will never be like me.

#timeiseverything #iguessnotyet

write of: 9th May 2016